Fleeting
by what used to be meemee
Summary: Chapter 2 up. She watches him from afar, afraid and not afraid. She wants to touch him, but her touch is cold and burning. So she stays away, with each adding second, her heart breaks further. [YohXAnna angstfic]
1. Chapter 1

****

Summary: She watches him from afar, afraid and not afraid. She wants to touch him, but her touch is cold and burning. So she stays away, with each adding second, her heart breaks further. But it is he who will heal her. It is he who will break. [YohXAnna angstfic]

Notes: Revamped. [July 23, 2004]

Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah. Don't steal.

For Wusai darling [Wusai, the Dark Phantasy], even though she is a yaoi fangirl. I can't write yaoi, and I lurve Yoh/Anna so too bad. XP

Fleeting

The sky is thin, delicate, with clouds sprinkling across the deep blue.

Laying on her back on the grassy fields, in front of a tree, she wants to reach out and touch it, but her hand is cold, frozen. The breeze that moves over her is warm. But she can't move.

If she touches the sky, will it break? Like glass, will the shards shred through her, and will she bleed, the way her heart is slowly bleeding, disappearing through that hole, however small or big it may be?

But that is not her. She is strength personified, but her weakness is Yoh.

She shakes her head, the thoughts in her head fleeting, gone. She stands, her delicate hand resting on the tree. She looks beyond the tree, and her body moves forward. He is there, standing far away—but she can feel his warmth.

[]

He is talking with them, Manta, Ren. No, Manta is talking, his arms flailing wildly, with that absurdly scared expression on his face, as usual. Ren's expression was his usual serious one, his eyes narrowed, evidently irritated by the midget's chatter.

And Yoh. Like a piece of metal is drawn to a magnet, she is drawn to him. But she holds back, not giving in. But his warmth is irresistible. She walks towards them.

[]

It is Amidamaru and Bason that notice her first. She doesn't notice them until she is a bit closer, but she realizes that they haven't completely materialized.

She is facing Yoh and Manta's back, so Ren sees her and nods respectively, but dismissive. She nods in return, and then both of them turn.

He is smiling as he sees her, but it is a nervous smile, to her, it is afraid. It is better that way. She doesn't want to hurt him. She will never ever hurt him—if there is a barrier, they will never be hurt.

Manta too, turns, stopping mid-sentence, and sees her. He too, smiles nervously, fearfully...she can clearly sense the fear radiating from him. The fool. (Like Yoh is a fool.) But she can't hate him. Manta is his friend. Best friend even. Like Ren. So she will never despise. She will never hate.

Amidamaru and Bason both disappear as she approaches, for what reason, she didn't know. (But she could guess.)

Ren too, apparently gets the hint. His dark enigmatic eyes darts from _him_ to _her_ in a quick motion, and taking Manta by the shoulders, he abruptly leads him away. She can hear Manta protesting and Ren's sharp responses.

What is it about her that repels everyone? There is a pang in her bleeding heart—she feels alone.

[]

She is not alone though, for he is still standing there, smiling, looking endearingly confused.

She loves him, but she will never admit it, not to his face. For if she does, she will break and he will break with her.

It is better to be silent. It is better for one to hurt, then for all to hurt. It is better for one to be cold, and the other warm.

Maybe one day, she will forgive herself. For now though…

For now all she needs is the knowledge that he will remain pure. So she will never touch him.

He tries to reach out, to touch her—she knows, but she recoils away. _Keep your innocence,_ she wants to shout at him. _Stay the way you are. I can only hurt you._

He turns towards her, nodding in greeting, "Anna." She too nods, but did not say anything. He looks in the direction of where they had left. "I wonder where they went."

Still, she remains silent.

His eyebrows draw every so slightly together. "Anna…are you okay?"

She knows he wants her to speak, so finally she does. "Yes."

Suddenly he looks shy and scared, blushing, and it is her turn to wonder at his behavior.

She sacrifices all to him. Does he know? Her eyes close. No, she sacrifices not to him. She sacrifices for him. He will never know.

"Anna." She is startled by his voice, cutting through her thoughts. But still, she is calm, poised, ready as she meets his eyes. There is strange fire in those black eyes, strange earnestness she has not seen before. "Anna, I..."

A sudden window is open in her mind, and she knows what he is going to say, what he is saying. She wants to shut her ears, close his mouth, to save him. _Stop,_ she cries silently. _Stop. You don't know what you're doing..._

He doesn't finish; he must be appalled by her expression. "Anna, are you sure you're okay?" She loves him, loves him for the tenderness in the question, loves him for the care in his voice.

"I want to go home," she replies, hand reaching up to touch her face. It's cold. "I'm going home."

"Okay, wait..." he begins, but she is already gone with only the faintest whisper of a wind left behind.

[]

Her feet carry her quickly to the house that she has so blatantly called home. But it is true, this is her home.

Her delicate hands fumble at the doorknob, and she realizes that she is shaking.

A hand on her small shoulder makes her jump with surprise. She turns, breathing heavily, heart beating wildly. He is standing there, his hand still on her shoulder, black eyes looking concerned.

"Anna," he says, almost urgently, "what's wrong?"

She opens her mouth to talk, but her heart is still pounding, and all that comes out are gasps and short breaths.

His other hand goes on her other shoulder, brow furrowing. "You're never at a loss for words. Seriously, Anna," he paused, face flushing a bit, "you can tell me."

No, she screams in her mind. _No, I can't._ No words come out of her mouth.

She shakes her head, mind whirling with conflicting thoughts. Her resolve hardens, and she knows, wants to save him from herself.

But they are already damned.

The grip on her shoulder tightens a bit, and she knows if she doesn't speak now, he will be lost. "There's nothing wrong with me, you idiot," her voice doesn't waver, becomes hard and hurtful.

Turning she walks into the door of her home, never once looking back at the boy who looks at her fleeting form, black eyes sad, but not hurt.

[]

The door closes after her, and she makes sure that he is not behind her, and she runs to her room, heart breaking with every step.

Finally she can look at him. There is a slight glare on the otherwise clear window, but that doesn't deter her. He is still standing there, staring at the door, while she stares at him, unbidden emotion rising. _You'll be okay,_ she tries to reassure him.

Or is she reassuring herself?

You're always okay. Because it's you, everything will be okay.

As if hearing her, he looks towards her window. Quickly, she falls into the shadows, the darkness, so he doesn't see her. She doesn't dare peek again, until she hears the annoying voice of the midget.

"Yoh, what happened to Anna?"

"I don't think she feels...I don't know," there is dejection in his voice, and she looks closer.

"What do you mean?" Ren's voice is quiet, but she can hear him, see his brow furrow.

There is a pause, and she sees his two companions look at him expectantly. "Nothing," he turns, and she can't see his face anymore.

But it doesn't matter. He is safe from her. She sinks to the floor, eyes closing, and bandana falling slowly to the ground. How long will she have to hurt? And is he hurting?

Until I can forgive myself, I must not risk anything.

[/tsuzuku]


	2. Chapter 2

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Summary: She watches him from afar, afraid and not afraid. She wants to touch him, but her touch is cold and burning. So she stays away, with each adding second, her heart breaks further. But it is he who will heal her. It is he who will break. [YohXAnna angstfic]

****

Notes: Revamped. [July 23, 2004]

****

Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah. Don't steal.

****

For Wusai darling [Wusai, the Dark Phantasy], even though she is a yaoi fangirl. I can't write yaoi, and I lurve Yoh/Anna so too bad. XP

****

Fleeting

Chapter 2

The rays of sunlight are dancing full on her face, urging her to awake from her sleep. One eye opens slowly, reluctantly, to blink at the bright light.

She props herself on her elbows with much difficulty, scratching on the tatami mats. Next to her, he is still sleeping, buried deep within the blankets. Some of his unruly black is uncovered and she stares and remembers the events of yesterday, shaking her head. She is so foolish, to allow her emotions to control her like they did yesterday.

Getting up, she moves to go to the kitchen, but instead, leans on the wall to glance back.

[]

She is sipping her tea when he comes in, rubbing his half-lidded eyes groggily. He is shirtless, but his headphones around his neck, but he smiles at her.

Her face is void of emotion and she says sternly, "Why weren't you up yet?"

Strangely, he doesn't seem upset, merely answers, "Because you didn't wake me up."

"Am I supposed to do everything for you?" she shoots quietly back with more vehemence than she intends.

It works though, for his confused expression slides back, and he gazes at her a bit thoughtfully, before turning and walking towards their room.

"Where are you going?" her words slice through the air, soft, but sharp.

He pauses, and she sees his back muscles tensing, before he turns around, smile in hand. "I forgot my shirt."

She never looks at him, but she nods, and he doesn't miss her somber, almost melancholy expression.

[]

She hears the door slide open, grating on the wood, but her head lays still on the arm of the couch, listening to the noise of running water as he washes the dishes.

"Yooohhhhhh…"

It's that voice again that she despises, but she can hear Yoh's cheerful reply. Then it's subdued, but her keen ears still hear, "Is Anna here?"

Yoh is apparently smarter than he looks, for the intense sound of rushing water muted his reply. It doesn't matter, for the spirits hovers around her, kissing, whispering in her ear. "She's here." A pause. "I don't know, but she's acting strange lately." Another pause.

She waits, but the spirits around her have vanished, and she sees Amidamarou floating in front of her, smiling in that same way Yoh always does. She understands then; Yoh knows she's listening.

She loves and hates him for it.

Amidamarou speaks, and though his smile is bright, his tone is sad, "It's not that Master Yoh doesn't want you to hear. It's more of a precaution. He cares for you, even though it seems as if he has no worries."

She doesn't reply, just closes her eyes, until she feels his presence withdraw.

She opens her eyes slightly, glistening with unshed tears.

[]

"Anna, I'm going out with Manta and them!" the shout rings through the house, and she looks up. "Anna?" his head pokes through the door, where she is sitting.

She can't bring herself to look at him. "Go ahead." There is a tremor in her voice.

As if on impulse, he goes to her side to give her a quick hug. "I'll be back soon."

She is too shocked to say anything, and sits gaping at the empty doorway. She quickly recovers though, and stands resolutely, but doesn't follow.

[]

She's reading the newspaper when he comes back, panting and of course, smiling. "Anna?" he spots her and adds, "Oh, there you are."

She inclines her head just enough so that he knows she's listening.

"Anna…?"

Now she looks up, eyes flinty.

"Can we talk?"

She congratulates herself on hiding her surprise completely, and bends her head back to the newspaper. The paper is suddenly gone from her hands, and his black eyes are staring into hers. "Please?"

She wonders what brings this sudden interest in her, why his usually laid back nature is gone, but she doesn't comment about it, just stares back, seemingly unmoved.

"I don't understand why you put up this façade," he sits next to her, gaze burning into her eyes, and she dares not look away.

She will not break, because she is Anna, because she is strong.

__

There is no such thing as strength…

Over and over, echoing in her head.

__

There is only weakness and those who can hide it.

Then what is Yoh?

He is startled; by what? She does not know, does not want to know.

There is only one thing for her to do. She stands and leaves and does not look back.

[]

The door is locked, and she can hear his frustration beyond the door. "Anna," he says, desperately, pleadingly. "Anna, please."

__

I can only do this for you. Only this, and nothing else.

She looks at her reflection, contemplating. _Please_. His voice haunts her ear, even when he isn't speaking. He sounds so desperate, so lost.

__

I cannot heal you. "Leave," she finally opens the door, only enough to fit her small, delicate frame. _Go find someone who can give. I cannot_.

To her surprise, he lunges at her, pushing them both into the room, landing on the neatly folded blankets. "What the hell…?" she mutters, reminded of the morning, when she is propping herself on the tatami mats. Instead, he is propped on his elbows on top of her, gazing earnestly at her.

"Anna, what is the matter with you?" he demands. "Why are you acting like this?"

She knows him, how to infuriate him, so she stays mute.

He sighs in exasperation, his breath blowing stray strands of hair out of her face. His breath is warm, and suddenly she is aware of his hips on top of hers, his warm smooth stomach pressed against hers. She notices that he is too, conscious of their closeness, and unbidden, her heart beats faster.

She is all too aware of his breath quickening, his eyes aglow with an emotion she did not want to take. An emotion she could not give. She tries to move, but she can't, she is frozen.

"Yoh," his name on her lips comes out as almost a sigh, and she can't say anymore, for his lips have captured her lips in his, gentle and hungry.

She presses back, her eyes fluttering close, forgetting for a moment the sacrifice she has made. It comes back to her though, in a flash as cold as ice, and she pulls back, "No."

He looks so confused, his voice cracking, "No?" He is startled to see the tears that spill from her eyes, the absolute despair in her expression. "Anna," he strokes her hair softly, carefully. "I'm sorry."

__

No, no, you don't understand, she wants to cry out. The words on her lips die, and she knows—it is too late. He is damned. They are all damned.

__

I wanted to save you, but I was too weak. So now, we're both broken.

The water that falls from her eyes doesn't stop. She cries for him, for her lost cause, and mostly for herself. She gives all she has left to him.

He touches her lips once more. "What's wrong?"

__

Everything. She is mute, though, and merely rests her head on his chest to feel his heartbeat.

[/tsuzuku]


End file.
